!ALERT // Best man speech detected as critical-path blocker. Estimated cost of failure: a lifetime of jokes at family barbecues.
// problem statement

The wedding is Saturday.
The speech is in your head in 19 minutes.

// time to event
04
days
13
hours
22
min
07
sec
RUN SPEECH.KIT
[ $39 ] one-time · 5-min intake
ready before rehearsal dinner · 72hr full refund
// how it works

Four minutes from now,
you have a working speech.

[ 01 ]

Tell us about him

17 quick questions about you, him, the bride, and 5 real stories. Step-by-step. Saves as you go.

[ 02 ]

We build your kit

GPT-4o reads your stories, lifts the through-line, writes the speech in your voice. ~90 seconds.

[ 03 ]

Take it to the altar

Hosted page on your phone, printable PDF for the day, audio reads at three paces (optional add-on).

// what gets delivered

Eight files. One working kit.
No subscriptions.

[01] OUTPUT_A
~3 min read

The Speech

Three to four minutes, word-for-word, formatted for reading aloud. Inline delivery cues: (beat for laugh), (slow down), (look at the bride).

▾ SAMPLE

"I've known Alex for fourteen years. (beat) Most of which he's spent... convincing me he's smarter than he is. (beat for laugh) But three years ago, he met Sara — and for the first time, the smartest person in the room wasn't him..."

[02] OUTPUT_B
1 page glance

The Cue Card

The spine of the speech in 12 bullets. One glance when you blank. Print to a single page, slide it in the inside pocket.

▾ SAMPLE

· Open: 14 yrs · "smartest in the room" · Story 1: Cancun pizza guy · Story 2: when he called at 3am · Pivot: when I met Sara · The proposal night clue · Close: "to the only argument he'll ever lose"

[03] OUTPUT_C
30 sec

The Rehearsal Toast

A 30-second version for the night-before dinner. Warm, no big stories, leaves the real speech alone.

▾ SAMPLE

"Quick one for tomorrow's main event — to Alex, who finally found someone who out-thinks him. And to Sara, who's about to find out he actually can cook. Cheers, you two."

[04] OUTPUT_D
swap-in lines

Bonus Lines

6–8 alternates. If a joke lands flat, swap in another. Opens, closers, one-liners, the one heart-line you didn't have room for.

▾ SAMPLE

· ALT OPENER: "Show of hands — who's heard this story?" · ALT JOKE: "When I asked his mom if Sara was the one..." · ALT CLOSE: "To laughter, second chances, and Sara — who, miraculously, said yes."

[05] OUTPUT_E
60-min plan

How to Practice

Five steps with realistic timing. Read silent × 3, read aloud × 3, time it, record + watch back, present to one friend.

▾ SAMPLE

Step 03 · TIME IT (5 min) Open voice memos, hit record, read it once. Aim under 4 minutes. If you're at 4:45, cut a joke. The room laughs longer than you think.

[06] OUTPUT_F
day-of

Day-Of Guide

Mic technique, where to look, what to do with your hands, the two-drink rule, the one line you do NOT improvise.

▾ SAMPLE

· Mic three fingers from your mouth · Look at the back of the room on the opener · One hand on the page is fine — two looks scared · Two drinks before, zero after, until you sit

[07] OUTPUT_G
recovery

If It Goes Sideways

Quick scripts: you blank, joke lands flat, you get choked up, mic feedback. The pro moves no template gives you.

▾ SAMPLE

JOKE LANDS FLAT → smile, deadpan "...anyway," move on. Never explain. YOU CHOKE UP → pause, look at the groom, breathe once. Restart.

[08] OUTPUT_H
audio · +$19

Audio Reads (optional)

The speech read aloud at three paces by Gemini AI. Listen on your commute. Catch where the rhythm sags.

▾ SAMPLE

▶ REHEARSAL — slow, careful, deliberate ▶ TARGET — the cadence to aim for ▶ NERVOUS — honestly how it'll come out

// hear it before you buy

Real sample. Press play.

Below is a real speech kit our system generated and read aloud. The voice is Gemini AI (Algenib) with natural chuckles, sighs, and warmth baked into the right beats by GPT-5.5. No human edits. No cherry-picked outliers.

The audio add-on (+$19) renders your finished speech at three paces: rehearsal-slow, real-day target, nervous-fast. Listen on your commute. Don't walk to the mic cold.

[ +$19 ] adds audio at checkout — kit alone is $39
▶ SAMPLE — Alex & Sara, 4-min speech
2:51 · Algenib
▾ FROM THE SAMPLE

"Smith Hall looked at two eighteen-year-olds with laundry bags, bad posters, and absolutely no life skills and said, ‘yeah, put those guys together.’"

"He looked different, like he was trying to act normal and failing at a professional level..."

72hr
FULL REFUND

Not stoked? Reply to the email. Money back.

We refund first and ask why later. No forms, no hoops. If the kit isn't something you'd actually use, you owe us nothing. Reply within 72 hours of purchase, you get every dollar back inside a day.

Common questions.

Will it sound like AI wrote it?+
No — that's the whole point. Generic AI tools take three prompts and spit out Hallmark mush. We ask 17 questions about your specific stories and write from those. Cheesy come-from-nowhere lines are the failure mode we explicitly avoid.
How fast can I actually have this?+
Intake is 5–7 minutes if you've got your stories ready. Generation is 60–90 seconds. Add audio (optional, +$19) and add another 90 seconds. The whole kit in under 12 minutes.
Can I edit it after?+
Yes — you can rewrite anything by hand. The hosted page is read-only by default, but the PDF downloads as plain text you can edit in any doc tool.
What if my wedding is in 3 weeks, not 3 days?+
Even better — get the kit now, practice once a week. The day-of guide and practice plan work whether you're rehearsing for the first time or the tenth.
What does the refund actually look like?+
Reply to the kit email saying you're not stoked. We refund within 24 hours. No form, no questions, no "are you sure?" Within 72 hours of purchase, no friction.
$ speechkit --groom "alex" --years 12 --vibe roast+heart
→ gathering stories...
→ writing draft...
→ tightening the jokes...
→ landing the close...
✓ speech.pdf · cue-card.pdf · toast.pdf · audio.mp3
$
// total due
$39.00
EXECUTE ▶